Chapter 11 - Bad to Worse (G&G)

With Christmas almost a month behind them, the battlers were feeling miserable. Not any more miserable than usual, mind you, but still without the little cheer that the holidays had brought them. Suffering more from the doldrums of January than anyone else, however, was a crippled little squid by the name of GB. This was with good reason, for there had hardly been any joy in his life in recent times. He had been kicked off of his team, insulted relentlessly by his friends, and had one of his tentacles devoured by a certain duplighost. Needless to say, the year was certainly not looking up for him.

“Stupid Parin,” he grumbled to himself, turning over in his bed. “How would you feel if I ate one of your legs? Not very good, I bet.”

“Uh, right. That wouldn’t be so great,” said the duplighost, who was lying on the ground a few feet away.

“I didn’t ask you to respond, did I?  Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s the middle of the night and I’d like to go back to sleep.”  His eyes had only been closed for a few seconds, however, when they jerked open once more in response to the sound of a light being flicked on in the bathroom. In walked Xavier, the one who had replaced GB in the Show Stoppers. “Oh look, there goes the other one that ruined my life.”

“Don’t kid yourself, you silly little tentacle monster,” said Meloetta, who had awoken from GB’s incredibly obnoxious whispering. “You were a temporary replacement for Xavier all along. We only needed you until he got through his murder crazy phase.”

“Would you all shut up? I don’t think I’m trying to start a conversation here,” replied GB, now sitting upright.

“Don’t yell at her like that!” shouted a sleepy Skeloetta. “Anyways, why are you even talking if you don’t want to start a conversation?”

“They’re right,” groaned Tubba. “As usual, GB, your train of thought seems to be stalled at the station.”

“THAT’S IT!”  Set over the edge by Tubba’s comment, GB flew out of bed, ready to unleash his fury on the clubba. Unfortunately, he completely forgot about the injury he complained about moments earlier in the heat of the moment. The sudden movement caused the poorly made wooden tentacle that Yoshi had thrown together with a glue stick to fly off his body, nailing Lukki in the face. As GB fell with a cry into an entanglement of blankets, the enraged lakitu got up just in time to see Xavier emerge from the restroom.

“Alright, Xavier. You want to fight? LET’S DO THIS!”  With no impairment to hold him back, Lukki flew across the room and tackled the bandit to the ground. The two engaged in an anticlimactic slap fight, much to the distress of the red duplighost.

“Lukki, knock it off right now!” Parin cried, waving her arms in distress. “What did I tell you about assaulting weaklings?”  The lakitu, upon hearing his freakish girlfriend’s pleas, shoved Xavier back and rose up. He approached her and they locked hands, unknown to the cloaked blooper that crawled directly in between the two.

“I’m sorry, babe. I promise it won’t happen again,” Lukki whispered, and both members of the couple closed their eyes and moved in slowly to kiss. At that exact moment, GB rose up from underneath the blankets in a daze. Only when Parin’s face collided with the back of the blooper’s head did she open her eyes and see what was happening. Everyone watched as a mortified GB locked lips with a clueless Lukki. After the longest minute of the squid’s life, the lakitu finally opened his eyes. If Chubba had not burst into the room at that moment, GB may not have lived to see another day.

“Alright, everyone! It’s time to rise and shi-”  Chubba locked eyes with the two males that locked lips. “Oh, my bad. I mean, I’m not one to judge, so feel free to do… that, if you must, but aren’t you supposed to be in a relationship with that freak show over there?”  Chubba gestured towards Parin, who was covering her face.

“What? I’m not in a relationship with this creep!” screamed Lukki, who had finally pushed GB away. “Parin and I were-”

“You know what? Don’t care,” Chubba turned to address the whole group. “Okay, battlers. Tonight we’re going to begin your daily midnight training sessions! You’re going to build up your strength with such invigorating activities as washing my dishes and doing my laundry! Come on, let’s get moving!”  A chorus of groans filled the room as the battlers rose from their sleeping accommodations and headed towards the exit. GB reattached his makeshift leg and headed out behind Lukki. To their confusion, Chubba stopped them before they could leave. “As for you two, try to refrain from making out until after the workout.”

After he left, Lukki grabbed GB by the pocket of blubber that was universally agreed to be a neck of sorts and pressed him up against the wall. “Listen, funny guy. You must think you’re real clever, humiliating my girl and I like that, huh? Well let me tell you something, pal. You’re not. If I were you, I’d watch your back, kid.”  With that, the lakitu left GB alone in the room.

There was no doubt about it--GB’s future was not looking bright.