Chapter 5 - Rejection, Imperfection, and Ejection (G&G)

A skill perfected by the darkness is to tear apart the bonds held by anyone under its influence. This ability is almost always practiced, and it can slowly ruin the lives of its minions. Fortunately, some are not so weak of mind to fall into this trap. These select few maintain positive relationships with those they can trust, and they usually come out on top. Unfortunately for Xavier, his mind was as weak as they came.

When all 697 steps of the lunatics’ psychiatric plan were through, a traumatized Xavier stumbled out into the hallway and sprinted off towards the red major league room, not daring to look back. He busted down the door and flopped down on the bed, physically and mentally exhausted. When the bandit finally regained the small amount of sanity he had left, a newfound sense of inspiration filled him. Xavier was no longer willing to give up--he was going to create a master plan and take down his worst enemy if it was the last thing he did! He spent the next hour repairing the door, however, for he only then realized how stupid and unnecessary it was to break it in the first place.

When it was looking good as new--as good as a makeshift plank of wood over the entrance could look, anyways--he set off to find his teammates and share with them his sadistic excitement. Upon entering the lobby, Xavier spotted the boo sisters standing near the Glitz Pit’s main entrance, discussing a topic unbeknown to him.

“Hey, undead underlings! Boy, have I got some news for-” began the bandit, but that was all he could say before he saw something that made him stop in his tracks. There, standing by Meloetta and Skeloetta, were GB the blooper and the bane of Xavier’s meaningless existence.

“And now, noble sir,” pronounced Chubba, tapping a staff to both of GB’s nonexistant shoulders, “I dub thee an honorary member of the Show Stoppers!”

“Why are you doing this?” questioned the blooper. “You never do this.”

“I DO WHAT I WANT.”   With that, Chubba turned and used his remarkable physical fitness to turn and sprint to the door. Unfortunately, he slipped on his kingly robe and fell through the floor.

Xavier was in a total state of disbelief. He ran over to his ex-teammates and began his rant. “What was all of that?”

“He must be going through his medieval-times phase,” GB chimed in. “His hair is still orange, after all, so he’s probably going through clubba pub-”

“NOBODY ASKED YOU!” shrieked Xavier. “Why did you do it, guys? I thought we were homies!”

“Sorry,” said Meloetta, “but we’re not homies with anyone who-- well, we’re not homies with anyone. Who even says that?”

“He must be going through his 80’s phase. He’s still wearing a mask, so he’s probably going through bandit pub-”

“WOULD YOU STAY OUT OF THIS, YOU TENTACLE MONSTER?” boomed the pubescent bandit monster.

“Hey, don’t you yell at our friend like that!” shouted Skeloetta. “Sure, he may be a horrible tentacle monster, but he’s OUR horrible tentacle monster!”  GB pretended not to be offended, but his insides practically turned into a salad of anger, the devil, and lava. “Besides, you had your chance to be our ‘homie,’ and you blew it.”

Xavier desperately searched the barren wasteland of his mind for a rebuttal, but he could think of nothing. They were right, after all--time after time, he had rejected their friendship. In fact, he had rejected everyone’s friendship. In addition to this, he constantly reeked of onion soup. It was no wonder he got kicked off the team!

“Listen guys, I know I was mean to you in the past, but I-”

“Tut, tut!” shouted Meloetta, and the two boos turned their backs to him.

“Please just hear me out! I really-”

“I SAID TUT, TUT, DID I NOT?” screeched the anything-but-mellow Meloetta. “You’re out of chances, Xavier. Good luck.”  The Show Stoppers continued off on their way to their room with their newest member, and the bandit sunk his head his despair. “We don’t actually mean you good luck, actually. We, like, seriously hate you now.”

More depressed and emo than ever, Xavier let out a deep sigh. “Man, so this is what it’s like to be hated by everyone you know.”  He glanced down at his stubby hands and thought about the last several days of his life. “Wow, it’s crazy to think that, in only a few minutes time, I’ve gone from feeling like I’m on top of the world to feeling like… I’m… uh, not on top of the world. I’ve gotta do something about this gloominess, or all of that psychiatric trauma will go to waste!” The bandit paced around the lobby, trying to think of a solution to his pathetic detriment. All of a sudden, an idea sprouted from his now slightly fertile wasteland. “All I need for some more motivation is to talk to somebody else that everyone hates! Chubba and Yoshi are obviously out of the picture, however, so I’ve got to pick somebody else… but who?”

Ten seconds later, Xavier found himself running outside screaming Tubba’s name.