"Tunako" not-google-translate form (GPH)

"Jamie, what is this crap?"
Good question. If you've seen the "Tunako" segments of any Glitz Pit Highschool chapter, you'll know that it makes literally no sense, and is completely impossible to understand.

That's because I throw these perfectly normal stories into google translate a couple times, and come out with this majesty.

Of course, this writing isn't supposed to be absolutely perfect. It's only supposed to be "readable." In fact, I put a lot of weird things into text because it makes the final product so much better.

I've decided to be nice and kind just this once, and give you the original sentences, so you can grasp the true story and glory of the Glitz Pit Highschool novel.

Chapter 1: Part 3
Tubba decided it would be best to find a table with some popular kids, to give himself a head start socially. He looked around. At one table, he saw a tiny blue ninji sitting next to a couple of boos, blue and yellow respectively. And beside them, was Tubba's worst nightmare. The threatening looking punching bag from earlier that day. Out of all disgusting, broken-down schools in this region with only one school, he had to be at Tubba's.

Obviously, with Tubba being a strategical genius, he decided it would not be in his best interest to go to that table, or he'd be pulverized into tomorrow's chili. He looked around for more tables. He saw a freaky sheeted ghost with a mean face. Tubba, having an abnormally high IQ for his age, knew that he'd have to get used to seeing inanimate objects with faces. Beside it was what looked to be a midget riding a cloud. Tubba didn't understand how people rode clouds, but then thought of the fact that THERE WERE INANIMATE OBJECTS WITH FACES.

Tubba looked at the third and final table, because the school was incredibly cheap didn't have enough money for more than 3 tables. There was a green hooded man with one of the most horrifyingly disgusting faces Tubba had ever seen. Immediately after looking at him, Tubba was completely repulsed and regretted his life decisions.

Tubba decided, out of the three tables, the one with the sheet with a face would be the best to sit at, as there weren't any Medusa-esque bandits or furious punching bags. Tubba walked over to the table. There were now more people sitting there. There was an idiot who seemed to be dressed up in a jester uniform, a green boo, and... a blue clubba! Tubba decided this was the perfect table for him.

When Tubba reached the table, he could see that the freaky sheet was laughing at a joke the cloud monster had made, but as soon as Tubba was in the vicinity, it immediately stopped laughing, but still had it's mouth agape. Everyone at the table was staring at Tubba. Soon enough, the entire cafeteria had become silent. He couldn't even hear the obnoxious laughter of the "cool-kid" table.

"Hi!" Tubba began, "my name is Tubba. Would you mind if I sat here?"

There was no response. Everyone was practically frozen in their state. He noticed food from someone's fork slide off, onto their lap. But then, he heard a voice. Many voices, in fact. It's as if the entire school said in unison:

"IT'S A NEW KID!!!!!!!"

Immediately, Tubba was under constant and brutal fire! He started running towards the cafeteria counter for cover, but was under constant pelting of convenient tomatoes! Soon enough, Tubba tripped and fell, despite his remarkable strength and agility. The entire cafeteria roared with laughter. But then, they stopped. Tubba looked up from his pitiful state on the ground, and saw the most horrifying beast he'd ever seen.

It was the principal! Again. "EXCUSE ME" boomed the principal, "DID YOU UNWILLINGLY PROVOKE A FOODFIGHT IN MY CAFETERIA?!?"

"Er... Y-yes, but..." Tubba stammered a bit, and his voice sounded more like that terrible noise you hear when someone draws way too hard on a whiteboard, "but I didn't mean to!"

"YOU DIDN'T MEAN TO, HUH?" The principal grabbed Tubba by his hair, "THAT'S WHAT THE LAST KID I ACCIDENTALLY PERMANENTLY CRIPPLED SAID." The principal started dragging Tubba into the hallway. "YOU, SIR, ARE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE..." Was this it? Was this how he was meant to die? All the things he could've been, all the things he could've seen... Were they never meant to be?

"I'M GOING TO SCHEDULE YOU A MEETING WITH MY 'GUIDANCE COUNCILLOR'"