Chapter 15 - Old Freaks, New Friends (G&G)

“Snoozer!

Perfect timing!” GB said, face scrunched up in pain. “I really need your help. There’s this guy running around in here, wearing a big trench coat. He’s going to-”

“Hold on a minute,” he said, casually interrupting the blooper’s incredibly urgent message. “Did you say there’s a guy wearing a trench coat?”

“Yes! Did you happen to see where he went?”

“No, but I’ve got a picture of him right here! One moment.”  Snoozer somehow pulled out a phone from an unknown location and began to swipe through the photos. “Here he is!”  He shoved the phone in GB’s face. It was a picture of him wearing it when he came in. Snoozer laughed. GB took Snoozer’s phone and threw it down the hallway. Snoozer stopped laughing.

“Snoozer, this is serious. There’s a dangerous criminal in the building that could kill us all! Are you absolutely sure you haven’t seen anyone else wearing that coat?”

“Actually, now that you mention it…”  Snoozer retrieved his phone, clicked away at it, and shoved it in the blooper’s face again. It was a troll face. GB sprayed ink all over the eyeball freak and watched him float away, screaming in agony. He was beginning to believe that the situation was hopeless, when he noticed that Snoozer had dropped his phone on the ground before he left. Realizing that this was his last chance, the blooper reached out and picked up the phone. After a solid minute of intensive thinking, he remembered the number for the emergency services and began to punch it in. Before he could hit the send button, however, a horrible monstrosity shouted his name from down the hall.

“GB!” screamed Chubba. GB, being the wimp of a blooper he was, threw the phone straight up in a comical fashion. “Playing games on the job, I see!” He walked over and caught the phone in midair.

“Chubba! Thank goodness you’re here!” the blooper exclaimed. “We’ve got an emergency, Chubba! A dangerous criminal is in the Glitz Pit!”

“Don’t talk about Yoshi like that. Save it for when you’re speaking to his face.”

“No, not Yoshi. Boshi!”

“Boshi, huh? Oh no, he sounds super threatening.”

“He is!” GB screamed, waving his tentacles in the air. “If we don’t stop him, the Glitz Pit is doomed!”

“Fine. If you care that much about it, I’ll get the most qualified guys I know to help you stop this Boshi character.”

“Yes, perfect! Thank you!”  GB watched Chubba as he entered his office, expecting him to call the emergency services as he had tried to do. He was quite surprised to see him lead a boo and a yux he had never seen before back out. “Uh, Chubba? Who are these guys?”

“These are our newest fighters! This is Naturae,” he said, pointing to a shaking boo with a horrified expression on his face, “and this is Asotzen.”  The yux looked as if he was about to hurl.

“Hold on a minute. You’re pairing me up with two brand new battlers to take out one of the greatest menaces that the Pit has ever faced?”

“Yup. Have fun playing your little superhero game, or whatever you were talking about.” Chubba put Snoozer’s phone in his pocket and returned to his office, ignoring the blooper’s assortment of choice words he yelled at him. After calming down, GB took a deep breath and turned around, forcing a positive attitude. Naturae was staring at Asotzen, who was crying next to a puddle of vomit. Every bit of hope GB had held fast to disappeared in that moment.

“I hate it here,” said Naturae, who was clutching a bag of what appeared to be Yoshi amiibos.

“So do I,” groaned GB, shutting his eyes and curling up into a ball to let himself die. Eventually, Asotzen stopped crying. Calmed down, he looked about and noticed something that struck him as quite odd.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what’s with the duster?” asked the yux, voice shaky.

“A crazy ghost thing ate my tentacle, and this was the best replacement I could get.”

Upon hearing this, Naturae shot a horrified Asotzen a look that he seemed to understand almost instantly. “That thing may preserve your life force, but it sure isn’t going to help you get around,” said the boo, setting down his bag and putting an arm around the yux. “Luckily, I think my buddy here has an alternate solution.”

Asotzen clenched all the muscles in his body, and four miniature versions of himself appeared around him. He whispered something to the mini yuxes, and they zipped over to GB.  Each one underneath him, they lifted the blooper up like he was sitting on a moving throne. “These guys’ll help you out. Just lean in any direction, and they’ll try their best to move at a speed that equates to how far you move.”

“Woah, that’s awesome!”  GB leaned an inch forward, and his tiny companions flew him straight into the wall. After his two newfound friends tore him out of the dent his body had left, the mini yuxes hoisted him up once more.

“Emphasis on ‘try’. Don’t worry, though, I’m sure they’ll adjust in no time.”

“Whatever you say,” responded the blooper, who was now even more mangled than before. “I think it’s more important that I learn to take some hits, anyhow.”

“Well, then!” shouted Naturae, who was invigorated by his guide’s more positive attitude. He picked up his bag and slung it over his hardly existent shoulder. “I guess we’d better be off!”  Asotzen smiled and nodded in agreement, much to GB’s surprise.

“What? Seriously, guys? Do you really want to try to take on such a massive threat?”

“Hey, we were able to solve a problem that seemed pretty hopeless just now, weren’t we?”  Asotzen went on.

“Actually, this is a fairly temporary solution at best. In fact, it’s pretty ineffi-”

“Right!” yelled Naturae. “Plus, your minor composure managed to cheer that crybaby up! That’s two problems solved, right?”

“To be honest, that’s such a minor issue that almost anybody could ha-”

“Right!” shrieked the yux. “If we were able to accomplish both of those incredible feats, doesn’t it seem obvious that we can do anything if we just put our heads together?”

“You know what?” replied GB, eyes widening. “You two are right! We can work together! We can take down Boshi! We can save the Glitz Pit!”

“RIGHT!” all three of them shouted in unison.

They were wrong.