Chapter 12 - Worse to Worst (G&G)

The battlers quickly learned that Chubba’s midnight training session was not as bad as they had thought it would be. Oh no, it was far worse. Instead of simply coming out and admitting to the whole thing being a scheme to get them to do his chores, he insisted upon upping the difficulty of the tasks to make it all seem like an actual workout. Washing the dishes became washing the dishes while under the fire of a machine gun; doing the laundry became doing the laundry while under the fire a machine gun; tidying every inch of the building became tidying every inch of the building while wearing backpacks loaded with bricks. This last exercise was, of course, while under the fire of a machine gun. After an hour of miserable labor, GB finally snapped. That is to say, his wooden tentacle snapped.

“AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!” cried the blooper, collapsing to the ground and narrowly avoiding a shower of bullets.

“Oh, please,” groaned Blizzerd, who was struggling to balance a dish on his head. “You’ve lost that hunk of junk plenty of times, and you’ve never acted like this.”

“No, something isn’t-” GB was cut off by sudden cries of agony. The cries of agony came from him. “Something isn’t right… I can’t find it, but that really isn’t important since I FEEL LIKE I’M ABOUT TO DIE!”

“To be honest, I don’t even care.”  At that moment, Blizzerd found himself under fire. He flopped onto the ground, and GB dragged him behind a box.

“Guess what?” he said, glaring at the barribad. “Now you do.”  Blizzerd sighed and glanced at the spot where the makeshift tentacle should have been. To his surprise, he did see the makeshift tentacle. Only the end of it, however, for the break had jammed it deep into his squid body.

“Oh.”  That was all Blizzerd could say before he began to vomit uncontrollably. Panicked by his panicked behavior, the blooper cocked his head to see what had caused it. The frightful display sent him into a fit of screams. Surprisingly enough, the combined stealth of their vomiting and shouting did not conceal them for long. A big, meaty ogre hand reached over the crate and grabbed each of them by their heads, lifting them up into the air.

"Yes!  Please kill me, Chubba!” GB cried between tears.  “I can’t take this pain anymore!  JUST END ME!”

“BLLLLGLLRGLGLRRGHRHGH,” said Blizzerd, who was still vomiting. The clubba widened his eyes for a moment before letting the two go and breaking into a laughing fit.

“Oh, man! I sure got you guys good!” howled the disguised Parin. “Maybe next time you’ll think twice before smooching my man, you suicidal tentacle mon-”

“CAN WE PLEASE FOCUS ON MY MUTILATED CONDITION,” shrieked GB, who looked as if he was hanging onto his life by a thread.

“Sorry, GB, but I’m afraid there are more pressing matters to attend to. Those who do not work must be given the appropriate punishment.”  The real Chubba had arrived and shoved Parin, as well as the continually vomiting Blizzerd, in front of him. As he lead them off at gunpoint, the injured blooper rose his voice.

“Wait! What about me?”

“What about you?” Chubba retorted, not turning around to face him. “These two are quite clearly in need of some psychiatric help, and that is exactly what they’re going to get. Your horribly disfigured condition that nobody cares about is punishment enough. We’re off, so please continue to writhe in pain.”

As soon as they were gone, every remaining battler ran from the kitchen. Everyone except GB, of course, who was so badly injured that he could barely function. He tried with all of his might to remove the snapped hunk of wood from his socket using his other tentacles, but it only deepened the pain. He realized that, if not for Parin’s stupid prank, someone may have been able to help him and end his misery. In fact, he wouldn’t have been in that situation at all if not for the duplighost. Finally, he was able to rip the wood stake out, along with a decent chunk of his body.

Left with no other choice, the blooper took hold of two nearby forks and painstakingly dragged himself all the way to the shop, fully expecting to die at any moment. When he finally got inside, he dropped the utensils and reached for a life shroom sitting atop the counter. Before he could snatch it, however, a certain green dinosaur hopped up from behind it.

“Greetings, unvalued customer!” Yoshi shouted, a smile spread across his face not due to his happiness to serve, but because of GB’s obvious pain. He pulled the life shroom slightly out of the blooper’s reach. “Ah, I see you’ve got your eye on this life shroom. Since you seem to want it so badly, I’ll give it to you for a 1% discount! Doesn’t that sound like a great bar-” GB used the last of his strength to flop up onto the counter and devour the item whole. To his dismay, it did very little to lessen the weight of his dilemma other than numb the pain by a bit. It also did not bring back the wallet that Yoshi had just taken from his pocket of blubber.

Long after Yoshi left his shop for no particular reason, GB remained on the counter, motionless. He had no tentacle. He had no team. Worst of all, however, he had no purpose in life. GB quickly changed his mind, realizing that a functioning tentacle would be much more important in his present situation. He glanced at his remaining limbs, but was quickly distracted by something far more captivating. Hanging on the wall, GB saw the flier that would be the solution to his problem.