Chapter 8 - Standoff in the Lair (G&G)

Despite its many listed strengths, it is important to note that the darkness is by no means invincible. It can be subdued and even defeated entirely. When the situation seems hopeless for a slave of the darkness, however, they will not simply give in. More often than not, these fools grasp at straws and take any advantage they can get, even if it means straying completely from their plan. Though Xavier’s tactics were not the worst, his execution of them sure was.

“Greetings, Chubba,” said Xavier. Chubba stared at the bandit from across the room, a lava filled pit and hanging brother blocking his path. “I must say, I’m impressed that you were able to fit through that locker with all that body fat you have there.”

“Joke’s on you, creep! Zumba has been working miracles for me!” Chubba began. “I put on twenty pounds at breakfast, but my daily routine helped me burn off one of those bad boys!”

“I really don’t care,” the bandit replied. “Look, I’ve changed my mind on this whole murder thing. Why don’t you just take the wallet from Tubba’s pocket of fat and we can get on with our lives?”

Now, if Chubba was smart, he would’ve simply walked around the pit and beat the ever living tar out of Xavier. The simple notion that he held even the smallest bit of intelligence, however, would be ridiculous. The teal clubba stood at the edge and slowly began to reach out towards the wallet.

“That’s right, get a little closer,” Xavier mumbled, shaking with anticipation. “Just a little more…”  Right as he was about to set Chubba off balance by reeling the pole in, the locker door was kicked in from above, and down the hole fell the true tubbiest clubba of them all.

“WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?” screamed Tubba.

“That’s something I’d like to know,” followed Chubba, stepping back. At that moment, the tied up duplighost reverted back to her true form. Unfortunately, her body size was not nearly as humongous as the clubba’s, and she began to slip through the ropes.

“Chubba, do something!” Tubba shouted.

“No.”

“HELP!” Parin shrieked, as she finally slipped through the ropes and fell downwards. Acting in a split second, Tubba lept over the pit, tackled the duplighost in mid air, and landed her on the other side. Unfortunately for Tubba, his sheer body mass did not allow him to make the jump. The clubba slammed into the side of the pit, and sunk into the lava with a sickening scream. Chubba fell on his knees and began to weep for his loss.

“Why did he have to go…” he mumbled between sniffles. “There… there was a twenty in there…”  Then his attention returned to Xavier, and he took on an expression of anger like nobody had ever seen. “This time, you’ve gone too far, Xavier. You’re going to pay.”

Realizing that his weakling self was in great danger, the bandit quickly grabbed hold of the weakened duplighost and held the sharp end of his hammer to her throat. “Don’t come any closer! I’ll kill her, I swear!”

“Why should I care?” Chubba grumbled in reply.

“Think about it,” Xavier retorted, gears slowly turning in his head. “You never paid your insurance bills, did you? In that case, every death here at the Glitz Pit is a massive fine for you. Just the death of Tubba will practically make you bankrupt!”

Chubba was taken back by this realization. “Come on down, guys! We’ve got a job to do!”  There was no response. He looked up the hole from which he had entered, and the locker door was jammed shut once again. Great, Tubba bashed the door so hard that it bounced off the wall and jammed shut again.

While Chubba was distracted, Xavier hatched a plan. He glared at his captive. “Alright, Parin. It’s time for a new step in my plan. Transform… into me.”

“Are you kidding me? I would never-”  Xavier proceeded to use his remarkable persuasive skills to change her mind. He found that digging a sharp object into one’s neck is surprisingly effective in getting him or her to do what you want.

When Chubba returned his glare to Xavier and Parin, he was met with a bright flash of light. When it died down, he was met with the sight of two bandits lying on the ground.